Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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