Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
