Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
