All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Less talking, more tequila
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
