I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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