The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
