id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
