I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
