I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
