I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
