Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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