Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
