for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
