need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
