her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize