He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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