I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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