i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
