she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize