3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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