If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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