I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
