Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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