yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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