Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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