making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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