so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
