I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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