True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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