soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
