It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
