3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
