Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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