after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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