Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
