So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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