There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
