She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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