I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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