can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
