we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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