What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
