so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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