This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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