she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
