My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
