Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
