How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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