I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
