Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
