I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
