be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
