It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
