we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
