I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
