I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
