tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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