My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
