i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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