Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
