If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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