I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
