I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
