No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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