I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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