It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
