I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
