If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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