Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
