I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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