my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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