Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
