I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
