We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
