So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
