I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
