I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
