it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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