Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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